


gonna find another place, maybe one I can stand

by daringyounggrayson



Category: Batman (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Bruce isn't the best dad in this but at least Dick has Alfred, Dick Grayson is Robin, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Father-Son Relationship, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Teen Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 11:21:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28705830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daringyounggrayson/pseuds/daringyounggrayson
Summary: Dick gest his SAT results and thinks about leaving for college, but mostly he thinks about the last time he left and how Bruce didn't come after him.
Relationships: Dick Grayson & Bruce Wayne
Comments: 17
Kudos: 116





	gonna find another place, maybe one I can stand

**Author's Note:**

> ckbookish asked: I’m sure you all ready have a ton but 59 with Bruce and Dick?
>
>> 59: “Do you ever regret it?”
> 
> I read Robin: Year One again and this is kind of a result of that 

As much as Dick wants to idealize the early days, when he really thinks about it, he and Bruce have always had their problems. They’ve had shouting matches and misunderstandings and disappointments since Dick’s first year at the manor. Nothing has ever been perfect, not even close. So why is he so surprised that things have gotten worse? He shouldn’t be surprised that the distance has grown. He shouldn’t be surprised that their silences have become loud and thick and uncomfortable. He shouldn’t be surprised that he wants to leave.

“I’m almost eighteen,” Dick says. They had a stake-out tonight, and aside from a few necessary sentences regarding the case, the two hadn’t said a single word to each other. 

Bruce makes a sharp left. “You’re sixteen.”

There’s a pause.

“I got my SAT scores back today.” Dick had been waiting for Bruce to ask him about it—the man had known he’d gotten them, after all; Bruce had sifted through the mail before leaving for work—and when he hadn’t, Dick decided to keep quiet about the whole thing. He’d decided that he would apply to the farthest college from here and leave without ever telling Bruce a single thing. He’d live a whole life without Bruce and he’d be happy. 

Except, that’s not what he wants. He wants Bruce to ask him about his SAT scores. He wants Bruce to care. 

“And?” Bruce asks.

“2200." Then, knowing Bruce will ask, he adds, "That's in the 98th percentile.”

“That’s great. You should be proud of yourself.”

“Yeah.” A pause. “I could go pretty much anywhere I want.” Especially with Bruce’s name behind him, but Dick likes to know that he can stand on his own too.

“. . . Are there any schools you’re considering?”

Dick shrugs. “Maybe somewhere on the west coast.” 

Bruce doesn’t say anything. Dick’s telling him he’s going to run to the other side of the country and he has nothing to say about it, positive or negative. One of Dick’s friends wants to go to UCLA, and her parents are proud and happy to send her, but she also said they got all teary-eyed when they mentioned the distance. 

His parents would’ve done that, he’s sure. But with Bruce, Dick could leave the planet, the galaxy even, and he probably wouldn’t even notice until he tried to give Dick an order and didn’t get a response.

They pull into the cave and get out in silence. 

Soon Alfred appears with cookies. “To celebrate your SAT results, as well as the end of studying for and worrying over that dreadful exam.”

Dick smiles, accepting the plate of cookies and popping one in his mouth. “Thanks,” he says through a mouthful.

Alfred tsks at him and shakes his head, but then he sighs and places a hand on Dick’s head, smiling softly at him for a moment before going back to whatever he’d been doing before they arrived.

It’s clear that Alfred will miss Dick when he leaves, that he’ll care about the distance. It hurt Alfred the last time Dick left, it’s something that makes Dick hesitate to leave again, especially without a proper goodbye.

When Dick glances up to look for Bruce, he finds that he’s already at the computer, typing up a report. 

Dick walks over and sets down the plate of cookies on the desk, then leans against the chair. “Need help?”

Bruce pauses his typing, then continues. “If you want something to do, you can run inventory. Otherwise, get some sleep. You seemed slow tonight.”

Dick scowls, pushes off the chair. “We were on a stake-out all night. What? Should I have watched nothing happen faster?”

The typing stops. “I didn’t mean—”

“Whatever.”

The chair turns, and then Bruce is looking at him. “I’m glad you did well on the exam. I’m, I’m proud of you, Dick. I apologize if I didn’t make that clear earlier.”

Dick looks away and feels like California is far too close to Gotham. Maybe he should apply somewhere out of the country, maybe Australia. 

“Do you remember when I ran away? After Two-Face almost killed me.”

Bruce flinches, but Dick doesn’t feel bad about his word choice in the slightest.

“Yes.” 

“I wrote you a letter. Do you remember that?” They’d never talked about the letter and what was inside. When Dick came back, it was to reclaim Robin and nothing else. Bruce didn’t want him to come _home_ to be a _son_ , he wanted him to come back to the _manor_ , the _cave_ , to be a _good soldier_. And now that Dick is failing to do that, he isn’t needed. Isn’t wanted.

“I . . . Yes. Why are you bringing it up now?”

“You never looked for me.” He hadn’t been sure, not really, but Bruce doesn’t deny it. “If I hadn’t told you about Shrike, you never would’ve—” Dick stops himself. “Do you ever regret it? Not coming after me?”

“I thought you needed space. I thought you would come back.”

Dick curls his hands into tight fists. “I was gone for weeks! Commissioner Gordon was more concerned about where I was than you were!”

“Dick—”

“Two-Face nearly killed me”—Bruce flinches—“That must’ve been fresh in your mind, but you didn’t seem to care at all that something like that could’ve happened again. _Easily_.” At one point when he’d been away, three different people wanted Dick dead. And Bruce hadn’t cared. And Dick had been a kid, he’d just been a kid whose so-called guardian hadn’t bothered to look for him.

“I should’ve looked for you.” Bruce’s hands are on Dick’s shoulders. “I’m sorry. You were my child, and I should've done everything in my power to bring you home.”

Dick’s eyes are hot but he refuses to cry. Quietly he asks, “Do you ever regret it?” Dick isn’t sure if he’s asking about Bruce not chasing after him or Bruce letting Dick come home. Maybe neither, maybe both.

Bruce is looking him over carefully. He cups Dick’s cheeks with both of his hands. “I’ll never stop regretting all the ways I've failed you.”

Dick steps back, pulling himself out of Bruce’s hold. He sniffs, nods several times. He looks back at Bruce and realizes that if Dick left right now, Bruce wouldn’t come after him. Bruce might eventually regret that too, given enough time, but regret would only lead to brooding and brooding always seems to lead to distance.

“I’m tired.”

Dick leaves and Bruce says nothing. He doesn’t chase after Dick like Dick stupidly hopes he will; he just goes back to writing his stupid report.

Fifteen minutes later, Alfred appears in Dick’s room and sits next to him on the bed. They don’t talk much, but Alfred does tuck Dick’s head under his chin and rub his back until Dick’s half-asleep. It’s enough to keep Dick in the manor that night, but Dick’s not sure how much longer that will be the case.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you liked it! If you're feeling up to it, comments and kudos are always appreciated <3
> 
> [tumblr](https://daringyounggrayson.tumblr.com/)


End file.
